Wednesday, June 28, 2000

1:45 a.m. Voila! A robot image, possibly even better than you might have imagined, if you were thinking about such things. This is an entire robot family, including the dog, all shined up, with the price tag still dangling from Dad's ear. I saw these lights at the groovy store where I bought my groovy bubble wicker furniture, and you can buy these lights on eBay for many hundreds of dollars.

I had the most vivid nightmare late this afternoon during my nap. It was about the alien takeover of the world, as usual, and the small band of feisty resisters who battled gamely to remain human. It took place, again, as usual, in the halls and rooms of an empty school, eerily similar to my old high school.

This one ended, unlike most, with a self-destruct sequence underway that I'd triggered, and which I was trying to get as far away from as quickly as possible. Very slam-bang-wham Bruckheimer. I woke up as I was sliding and leaping down multiple staircases -- as usual.

A long time ago, in a book that's now floated to the far reaches of my library, I read that one of the sure signs of alien abductions was: you dream about aliens. I do; therefore I have been? I don't think so --

And then just recently, in my Qi book, I read that nightmares occur because your organs need to speak with you. This seems more likely. Although I hadn't eaten right before I fell asleep, I did have a most unusual leftover for lunch this afternoon, and I believe that's where the trouble began.

It was a very, very, very hot Korean soup. Quite delicious, full of red pepper and hot pepper oils. I made the mistake of snurfling when I should have been snuffling and some of it went up my nose and basically seared the entire invisible sinus cavity that is Swiss-cheesed between my skin and my skull. Very vivid experience.

It took a lot of sips of water and calming thoughts to settle my breathing down, which was on fire. After a while, I forgot all about the pain, but I think my organs had something of the same reaction later in the day as I slept fitfully. There was a nuclear blast or two, lots of laser fire, and the hot breath of conspiracy to run from.

There's a lot to be said for cream soups.

And I've been thinking about a robot that is a tiny vacuum cleaner on tank-tractor wheels. It's small and quiet and throbs in the corner until you snap your fingers at it or Clapper for it -- and then it rolls all around the room, picking up crumbs, gently bouncing off obstructions ... and when it finds no more crumbs, it goes back to its corner.

You could have an outside version for the lawn and a wet one that you fill with Fantastic for washing the floors. I saw tonight on the news that someone has invented a jacket that's actually a phone -- you tap out the number on a keypad hidden in the lining. And I ask you -- which is the more useful invention? Which one was invented by a man?

And now that we've mapped the DNA molecule, how about we work on conquering gravity? I'm getting tired of having to go to sleep every time I want to take a flying leap and soar off over the treetops or hover near the ceiling. It's exhausting.

But so far, it's the only way to fly.