Wednesday, August 30,
2000
Birthday Bliss!
and
33 Rules for
Life.
- Every time a cake is placed before you, you should
dive right in.
- When you don't listen to your mother, you listen to
the devil.
- Learn how to make
blueberry jam.
- Many problems are solved with alphabetization.
- Some problems have no solution.
- First-born children actually do rule the world.
- No two grapes taste alike.
- Compliment yourself for something every single
day.
- Scott toilet paper is the best.
- Making a list is much harder than you think.
- People who give advice all the time get on other
people's nerves.
- Never doubt your mother's love.
- Starting things is easy.
- Starting things at 2:16 a.m. is stupid.
- Vegetables taste better when you get older.
- It's not lost. It's on eBay.
- Good men know how to cook eggs.
- Use baby powder when you're sticky.
- Now's a good time to have some corn.
- Do not buy white carpets or rugs.
- The Japanese are very limber and have excellent taste
in clothes.
- Short stories make better movies than novels.
- You can't go wrong with rice.
- Aqua Net. Don't mock it.
- Colds and the flu are poor people's vacations.
- Store all your pens point-side down.
- Margarine is just wrong.
- And people should stop carrying water bottles around.
They are full of rancid germs and yuck; they smell bad,
and there's all that saliva around the lid.
- A two-hour nap will fix just about anything.
- We were all cuter ten years ago.
- But we're all smarter now.
- Especially my daughter.
- She rules.
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